Change is Good (for me)

We are moving. In two weeks, we will be in a new house, in a new town, turning over a new leaf. God has been moving on our hearts for months for this change, and now we will be physically living it out.

When it comes to change, I will admit I'm not a fan. I like routine, with it's predictability and normalcy and comfort. Like my daily coffee-with-half-and-half-and-raw-sugar, please and thank you. So although I believe with all my heart that this move is completely God-led, I do feel my love for the familiar push back against my desire to embrace this little storm.

Recently during a thunderstorm, my five-year-old, Sam, came to me in the night seeking comfort. I hugged him and then of course he wanted to snuggle in bed with me, to which his father replied, "Go back to bed. God is our protector, He will protect you while you sleep in your bed." This, possibly followed by a prayer for Sam to trust in God, was not the answer he was hoping for.  Later that morning, I heard through the grapevine that he had sought solace with his big sister as well. But to no avail. She sent him on his way as well.

It was such a real picture of how I so often seek comfort in other things, other people even. I'm stumbling around in the middle of the storm (read: this move), perhaps in discouragement or unbelief, and I text-a-friend, or escape to the world wide web, or even (gasp) hide in the bathroom. But my heavenly Father has been wooing me back to the comfort of His presence where I can run anytime-I-need. I love that He is unchanging. I love that I can crawl right into His lap in the middle of the storm. I'm practicing it daily now, by literally crying out for His help and strength. It might be a thirty-second prayer in the bathroom or with my arms digging out wet laundry from the washing machine, but I'm doing it and I know He hears me. And guess what? Every time, without fail, the peace comes. It washes over me. It resets my heart and my eyes to be directed upon Him.

"Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word." 2 Thess. 2:16-17 ESV

                             

I am making the daily hourly choice to seek comfort in Christ and the good hope He has promised me. Eternal hope! Through the storms of life and through this move, as we gather up these last seven and a half years of our life in this house, I can take heart in his abundant grace that he freely gives me every minute I need it. And I do need it. I can't breathe without it.

I'm embracing this change now. It is so good for me.

Best ever marinara. Slow Cooker style.

Been trying my hand at a little freezer cooking to save time and money. This month I tried the slow cooker marinara sauce and it is divine. Use for any italian dish including pizza!

Here's the recipe. From "Not Your Mother's Make-Ahead & Freeze Cookbook" by Jessica Fisher

Easy Slow Cooker Red Sauce

1/4 c. olive oil
2 lg. onions, chopped
1 T. chopped garlic
4-28 oz. cans crushed tomatoes
1-2 c. water
1 T.  salt
1/3 c. chopped fresh basil or 2 T. dried basil
3 T. chopped fresh parsley or 1 T. dried parsley
1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes

Heat olive oil in large skillet over medium heat. Add onions and garlic; cook until soft. Spoon onion mixture into a 5-quart or larger slow cooker. Add crushed tomatoes, water, and seasonings. Cover and cook on LOW for at least 4 hours. Adjust seasonings to taste.

To freeze: Divide sauce into meal-size portions in plastic containers (Ball plastic freezer jars work great). Chill in refrigerator before freezing.

To thaw/serve: Thaw sauce in refrigerator. Reheat in saucepan over low heat, whisking to recombine.

Steadfastness

I can't hold back. It's time to write.

In the last two months, we have had a whirlwind of trials hit our family. Relentlessly. One trial has led to another and James 1:2-3 has never been so real to me. 

"Count it all joy my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it's full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

I had no idea what true testing meant.

In two months we have encountered all kinds of sickness, kicked off with our oldest daughter's bout with influenza-the first case in our city (mom award)-mixed in with pink eye, mastitis (twice), a knee surgery, and now culminating with my husband's brush with, dare I say it, death.

Yes. That's what I said.

Pulmonary embolism is not a mild thing. As a complication of his knee surgery (brought on by a torn meniscus), blood clots formed at the surgery site and moved up into his lungs. Five days of shortness of breath landed him in the E.R. only because a surgeon friend of ours came and picked him up and took him there, thus saving his life.

When everything seems to be crashing around me, my true self is revealed. My weakness and frailty as I leaned heavily into my Savior that day were so real, so poignant. I have never in my life experienced the hand of God in such a powerful way. He intervened in our lives. Jeff was to fly on an airplane the very next day for a ministry trip that could have been fatal. God knew. He had a plan.  His way was higher than ours. He was working all things together for our good. And for His glory.

I confess that there were moments that day that I could barely breathe at the thought of continuing on in this life as a widow of four children, without my soul mate beside me.  I wanted to scream. "What about our ministry?? How would I tell our story by MYSELF??" I forced my heart to focus on this promise yet again: God is good. No matter what I feel. He still is. And He has promised to never leave or forsake me. I can hang on to that.

We actually had the chance to see the CT scan this past week of his lungs and the reality of my near-loss came rushing back in. The clots were huge. Half dollar size on both sides. Jeff is a walking miracle. And I melt down to my knees again.

my one & only

 My dear friend Rachel brought this song to our small group recently and it's as if it is written for us. The words speak of my deepest heart's gratitude. Take a minute.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08s3GKRict8

So I will continue on in steadfastness. Leaning into my faith and on my Savior even more desperately than before. After all, He is constant, good, and sovereign. Not for a moment will He forsake me.

"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Eph.6:13

When I have done everything, I will stand.